I was talking about the abortion debate with a very loving man recently. The subject of bodily autonomy worked its way into our conversation.
He claims to be pro-choice, as I hear a lot of men often say, which is really quite refreshing. It’s nice to know that there are some men that support a women’s right to choose.
Then I asked him if he had heard about the current heated debate regarding Vermont’s governor. The Republican governor, Phil Scott, had just signed a bill to strongly protect abortion rights. This bill ensures that the government cannot interfere with abortion rights under any circumstances at any time during the pregnancy.
His response was, “That is alarming.”
He went on, as I expected he would, to question what would happen if a women were to abort at the end of her pregnancy.
He asked, “If a woman were to ‘just change her mind’ at the end of her pregnancy, what would happen? Wouldn’t it just be easier to wait the extra five minutes and give birth?”
Ugh.
My answer?
“I don’t know. I’m not going to answer because I don’t know enough about the details about her individual situation. And I don’t want to be ignorant.”
Then I suggested that perhaps a woman who might be getting an abortion toward the end of her pregnancy was a woman who had actually wanted the baby.
However, it’s plausible that something had gone wrong leaving her with a terrible predicament, as Pete Buttigieg also suggested.
In the space in the pause of the conversation, lingered something not-quite-settled.
It lingered because it was uncomfortable. I found myself quickly speaking in defense of doctors faced with decisions with their female patients. I heard myself stating that medical professionals wouldn’t want to risk their license; that every decision is a unique and thoughtful one. And then I stopped because I realized what was going on.
Why is the default that the speaking and deciding is being done by everyone BUT her? (I talk about this a LOT in the last part of the post 28 Years Since Anita Hill and I Still Feel Silenced here.)
I tried to make an abrupt gear change in the conversation. Stop! Right here! THIS is the issue! WE – society – need to begin TRUSTING women.
Sure, we are not always going to like the choices she might make. But, much like the right of religion, the freedom and right of free speech – SHE should have the right of bodily autonomy.
It really doesn’t MATTER whether we agree with her or not.
We are NEVER going to come to a consensus on religion. We have the right of free speech, yet we will never all agree – or even condone – what others often say. But that’s not the point. We are a nation of free thinkers and speakers. The point is that as members of the human race, we have the CHOICE to exercise these rights and freedoms. And this includes women.
As a culture , it has become ingrained to be permissive with women to ‘ONLY’ a certain point. We can somewhat accept that she is authoritative, but one step too far and she is bossy or even bitchy. When she has become successful, she may have slept her way to the top. To close that deal, she must have used her sexuality.
So why would our culture think she is capable of deciding for herself when it comes to her own body?
Our culture has become ingrained with making judgments on women. It is full of decisions on what is acceptable for her to do with her body. Society allows, tolerates and often expects more when it comes to her sexuality. Yet when it comes to her health and function; she isn’t as highly regarded and decisions appear to be made for her.
For example, Americans debate when it is an ‘acceptable age’ to wean a child from breastfeeding. Breastfeeding or nursing is a natural means of feeding a child from a woman’s body. However, there is no such comparable debate regarding how often a child might view the sexualization of women’s breasts on billboards, internet feeds, and magazine covers. One might conclude that as long as her body is used sexually that it’s OK, as I wrote about here. (about halfway through my article in 28 Years Since Anita Hill and I Still Feel Silenced) It might also make sense to conclude that decisions to use her body for sexual purposes have often involved men.
Kind of uncomfortable. Pro-choice to a point. OK only in certain circumstances. We trust her…sort of. There is STILL this inherent need to control her. It’s uncomfortable talking about different scenarios of abortion.
If we are truly going to treat women like humans and not like wild animals who ‘need be controlled’ in certain circumstances…we need to take a take a look at ourselves. It’s not right. We are talking about our sisters, daughters, mothers, and friends. They have the same rights as everyone else to an education, liberties, freedoms, and the pursuit of happiness.
So why – WHY – would we send the message that we, our government, must control her body in ANY circumstance?
NO. Just NO.
It’s HER body.
And she has the right to bodily autonomy.
She can do what she wishes with it, regardless of anyone’s comfort level, belief, or opinion.
We need to trust women.
She’s NOT some wild animal in need of outside control.
Believe women.
No, her decision doesn’t have to pass muster with anyone’s set of beliefs. Again, it’s not the point. But we need to trust and believe that she has the same rights to bodily autonomy as anyone (read: men) else.
Unless we choose to back-date birth certificates to conception or a different day during a 40-week pregnancy, a separate and new life has always been recognized at birth. This happens when the umbilical cord has been cut from the mother after the child has exited the mother’s womb, ultimately resulting in the birth date. At this point the child is no longer part of the physical domain of the mother, or her bodily autonomy. Up until that point, mother and child are treated together, as one.
It’s not about judging her ultimate choice or liking the outcome; it’s about honoring a women’s role in society.
The time is NOW to trust a woman to know what’s best for her own body.
It’s time to recognize the right to bodily autonomy.
It’s time for HER.
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